Can we say “You don’t look autistic”?
Welcome to “Can we say?”, a monthly column where URelles answers questions about inclusive language. Got a question for us? Write to info@urelles.com and we’ll get back to you. It’s all anonymous.
Want to start the conversation about inclusive language in your organization? URelles can help! Find out more about our training courses on various topics related to equity, diversity and inclusion.
*Neurotypical: A person whose neurological functioning is considered to be within the norm, and who does not have a particular neurological condition.
****
Can we say “You don’t look autistic”?
Autism is a vast and complex spectrum, encompassing a diversity of traits and characteristics. Although more and more people are becoming aware of it, harmful stereotypes and prejudices still persist. The famous phrase “ You don’t look autistic”, although perhaps phrased without malice, or even as a compliment, can have many unsuspected impacts.
The autism spectrum
To say that someone looks autistic or not is to assume that there is one “typical” way of presenting autism. But autism is a spectrum that includes a variety of profiles, from people with severe communication and social interaction difficulties to those who may seem indistinguishable from neurotypical* people. It’s important to recognize that autism manifests itself in different ways in each individual.
The autism spectrum is not a spectrum ranging from “not autistic” to “highly autistic” with “moderately autistic” in the middle. Rather, it illustrates the diversity of autistic characteristics. It’s not a linear scale. Think of it as a color palette, with each autistic individual displaying a unique combination of traits. For example, one person may be particularly sensitive to noise, yet less affected by light. Conversely, another person might react strongly to light while being less sensitive to noise.
In short: there are as many forms of autism as there are people with autism.
The phrase “Don’t you look autistic?” is often uttered without malice, and may even be intentionally perceived as a compliment by the person uttering it. However, this remark raises deeper questions about how autism is perceived in our society. It implicitly suggests that autism is something negative, even shameful, that needs to be hidden. In reality, autism is a natural part of human diversity. These people often bring unique and valuable perspectives to society.
Camouflage or “masking” among people with autisme
When we tell someone that they don’t “look autistic”, we’re reinforcing the idea that there’s a “normal” way of interacting and an “abnormal” one, both in terms of verbal and non-verbal language. People with autism are often told that their behavior is not acceptable. Many have been told since they were children that the way they play, move, sit, communicate and even love is not right.
However, what is considered “normal” versus “abnormal” varies from one person to another:
- Maintaining prolonged eye contact during a conversation is considered “normal”. A person who finds this eye contact uncomfortable or difficult to maintain due to sensory differences or individual preferences will be judged “abnormal”.
- Similarly, facial expressions can vary enormously from person to person. What may seem “limited” or “inappropriate” to some people may in fact be a genuine form of communication to others.
Some autistic people therefore choose to adopt masking or camouflage behaviors. This involves a deliberate suppression or concealment of their autistic traits in order to conform to social norms. For example:
- A person may carefully observe the social behaviors of others. They may then imitate facial expressions, gestures or even body language.
- They may also suppress or minimize stereotyped behaviors, such as repetitive movements or specific interests, to avoid attracting attention.
- Camouflage can even go as far as masking sensitivity to sensory stimuli by developing mechanisms to tolerate them, even though this may be uncomfortable. For example, resisting the urge to cover one’s ears in response to a loud noise.
Comments focusing on the outward appearance of a person with autism therefore risk compromising their individuality and reinforcing the idea that “normal” appearance prevails over understanding and accepting the diversity of neurodivergent experiences.
A remark that has a profound impact
Comments such as “Wow, you don’t look autistic!” can make an autistic person feel they have to constantly justify, even hide, their autistic identity, leading to confusion and frustration. Similarly, this camouflage can be exhausting, stressful and impact on their well-being, self-esteem and relationships, depriving them of opportunities to improve their quality of life by making meaningful connections with others.
Indeed, camouflage requires a great deal of energy and can also cause autistic people to avoid using tools essential to their comfort (e.g. wearing sunglasses indoors due to light sensitivity). This has physical consequences, since the discomfort is very real. The extra energy expended and the lack of tools may lead the person to the end of his or her capabilities.
All autistic people need support, but it’s hard to “prove” that you need help if you can manage to pretend you’re capable without support. So it’s common for people with autism to be denied support essential to their well-being. Camouflage can even delay diagnosis. It then becomes almost impossible to receive the support needed for activities of daily living, academic success or access to employment.
People with autism who camouflage may even be told that they are lying or using resources that are not intended for them.
In conclusion, telling someone they don’t look autistic is anything but a compliment. It minimizes the experience of autism, and individuals who have developed camouflage strategies may feel misunderstood or invisibilized. This remark also perpetuates the stereotype that there is a “typical” or “normal” aspect to autism, which does not reflect the reality of the spectrum.
Do you enjoy inclusive language conversations? Want to create opportunities in your organization? We offer training on microaggressions, unconscious bias and inclusive writing! Contact us to arrange a session!
- Equality vs. Equity: it’s not about discrimination, it’s about different needs! - 17 September 2024
- Case study: BAnQ - 28 August 2024
- Case study: À GO, on lit ! - 28 August 2024