27 August 2024 In Est-ce que ça se dit? By URelles

Can we say «fat person» ?

Welcome to “Can we say?”, a new monthly column where URelles answers questions about inclusive language. Got a question for us? Write to info@urelles.com and we’ll get back to you. It’s all anonymous.

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Let’s imagine a typical conversation between two colleagues who haven’t seen‧es in a long time:
“How was your vacation? How long were you gone again?”
“Great! I was out of the country for about 3 months and I took the opportunity to discover lots of things! I even gained some weight.”
“Oh don’t worry, you’re still beautiful!”

Reassuring her colleague that she’s beautiful implies that to be beautiful, you have to be slim and that necessarily, by being (more) fat, she therefore can’t be. The reaction to reassure our interlocutor is instinctive and probably done unconsciously, but it could have the opposite desired effect: invalidation, alienation and shame for our colleague. Let’s deconstruct this.

It’s not a dirty word!

The term “fat” is claimed by people who identify themselves in this way to challenge its predominantly negative use. Fat people choose to use the word like any other descriptor, with neutrality, because it’s who they are.

Fat is not a dirty word. It’s not a shameful concept either.

The term is simply a neutral descriptor. It doesn’t indicate a person’s level of health, qualify their beauty or assign a value to the person.

Let’s talk about grossophobia

We’re constantly bombarded with messages about beauty ideals, often unrealistic and full of clichés. For example: women should be slim and men muscular. These messages are conveyed on social media, in TV series, through Instagram filters, by magazines that will give us the magic recipe to have a “swimsuit body” or even how to keep our New Year’s resolutions and lose or keep off “those unwanted pounds”. We’re constantly told that we should want to achieve these body types.

We associate weight loss with self-improvement, better health, moral superiority and self-worth. That’s grossophobia, and it’s really hard to get rid of. Even if we know that body weight is not an indicator of health, it can still be hard to ignore these messages.

Obese? Overweight?

The terms “obese” and “overweight” are medical terms. Using them in a conversation between colleagues, in a non-medical context, stigmatizes and medicalizes the subject, whereas being a fat person is a normal and natural characteristic of human bodies.

Curvy? Fluffy? Voluptuous?

These terms, whether in French or English, can be perceived as euphemisms. Instead of using an existing term that isn’t a dirty word, we use a bypass. This may reflect discomfort, where we avoid using the word “fat” because we’re afraid or ashamed of it. It also adds to the feeling that “fat” equals “bad” or “wrong” and that we don’t want to name it.

Of course, you may decide to use these terms, or you may know fat people who refer to themselves with these words. You have every right to do so. Far be it from us to police the language! As always, our final recommendation is to ask your interlocutor how he or she prefers to be called. It’s so much simpler! Depending on your comfort level with the person, it’s also possible to ask why they choose this appellation and take them towards a reflection that might encourage them to choose the term “fat” and assume it without discomfort.

We ask what our colleague prefers

Remember that even if the word “fat” or “big” is used, it’s still often said as an insult by many people. As a result, some people may not feel comfortable applying it, in which case it’s best to borrow descriptors more acceptable to the person you’re referring to, such as “plus-size person” or “plus-sized person”.

Do you enjoy inclusive language conversations? Want to create opportunities in your organization? We offer training on microaggressions, unconscious bias and inclusive writing! Contact us to arrange a session!

Thanks to Edith Bernier for applying her expert eye to this article.